Come On In The Water's Lovely

Come on in the water's lovely
It isn't really cold at all
Of course you'll be quite safe up this end
If you hold tight to the wall.

Of course that fat boy over there won't drown you
He's too busy drowning Gail.
Just imagine you're a tadpole
I know you haven't got a tail.

Oh come on in the waters lovely
Warm and clear as anything
All the bottom tiles are squiggly
And your legs like wriggly string.

Come on in the water's lovely
It's no good freezing on the side
How do you know you're going to drown
unless you've really tried.

What? You're really going to do it?
You'll jump in on the count of three?
Of course the chlorine won't blind you
Dive straight in and you'll soon see.

One- it isn't really deep at all.
Two- see just comes to my chin.
Three- oh there's the bell for closing time
And just as you jumped in!

~Gareth Owen